


you're so golden

by clarkeheda



Series: fine line [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Fine Line album, Friends With Benefits, Harry Styles - Freeform, One of many - Freeform, One-Shot, where my harry styles lesbians at
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:08:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23549680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarkeheda/pseuds/clarkeheda
Summary: Part 1 of a 12 part series based on Fine Line by Harry Styles. All the parts are chronologically connected.Clarke and Lexa are very good friends with very good benefits. But what if they could be more?
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Series: fine line [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1694917
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	you're so golden

**Author's Note:**

> hello harry styles obsessed lesbians and clexa obsessed lesbians. if you don't personally fall into one of these groups then hopefully you will after this.
> 
> please enjoy this beautifully rushed and jumbled idea my brain had at 2am and i'm hoping and praying this hasn't been done before, but given that the album is 4 months old it may have. if anyone knows of anyone who already has a fic/series very similar to this one then please let me know.

_ Golden, golden, golden _

_ As i open my eyes _

_ Hold it, focus, hoping _

_ Take me back to the light _

_ I know you were way too bright for me _

_ I’m hopeless, broken _

_ So you wait for me in the sky _

_ Browns my skin just right _

Lexa feels, in her sleepy haze, covers pulled off of her but then pulled right back over and tucked around her. She drifts back off into a dreamless sleep and the next thing she hears is Clarke coming back into her bedroom and planting a cup of coffee on her bedside table. The smell drifts through the room and she hums slightly, turning over and not wanting to wake up just yet.

However, as Clarke draws her curtains open, she has no other choice but to open her eyes. When she does, she is glad that she did. She turns towards the window, fighting against the light bathing the room to open her eyes fully. Clarke is in front of the window stretching her arms above her head, hair running down her back, completely naked.

Lexa knows that Clarke doesn’t know she’s watching her. She drops her arms back down to her sides and stretches her back out slightly. Clarke picks her cup of coffee and cradles it whilst she admires the view. Lexa knows that Clarke loves this view more than any other in the city. Living in an old building with a very slow, barely working lift, has one positive and it's the view from the top floor. No other building nearby is as tall as hers so she is free to observe the view of the hills far in the distance past the city. 

That’s what she does as Lexa observes from underneath her bed covers. It is moments like these that Lexa’s feelings for Clarke hit the hardest. The quiet moments, when no one else is around, the moments that Clarke isn’t observing her, can’t watch her feelings flit across her face and buzz around inside her head.

Clarke is framed with the sort of beauty she thought only existed on movie sets, or in her dreams. The beautiful, sexy, funny, loving, and perfect girl in front of her is framed with a golden morning glow and she knows that the blonde is far too good for her. Questions for a moment how it came to be that Clarke could show this side of her, reveal herself so happily and openly.

It’s moments like these where Lexa thinks maybe she could show her, and it would all be OK. They could love each other, hold each other, laugh and know it would all be OK. But, she knows that it couldn’t happen like that. That they’re both too hopeless, broken, can’t convince herself that Clarke may feel the same way. She can’t build her hopes up just to have them crumble back down. 

Sure she knew that the blonde must like her to want to sleep with her and spend a precious few hours alone, but they’re friends. Friends who just temporarily crave a loving moment from another, but don’t want to complicate their lives with dating, getting to know someone new, relationships. 

_ You’re so golden _

_ You’re so golden _

_ I’m out of my head _

_ And i know that you’re scared _

_ Because hearts get broken _

But, if they could be more, why would they hold that back. Perhaps they could be happy together. Share more of themselves more openly, talk more, cry more, laugh more. Just that tiny one step further to admit that their love for each other is more than just friendly. 

But, again, Lexa’s doubt steps in. She knows deep down why they haven’t taken that step. Knows deep down, that Clarke is scared, scared to have her heart broken again. As much as Lexa would hate to admit, she knows that she feels exactly the same way. Exes do crazy things, hence why they’re exes. They would both love to forget what they did, what caused the pain, the mistrust, the tears, but they can’t. Not even enough to love each other.

So these moments, slow and quiet, she lets herself dream. Dream of loving her, with her whole heart. Then when the moment ends she goes back to being Clarke’s friend, who finds her hilarious, sexy and perfect. As a friend.

Clarke turns around and realises that Lexa is awake and staring. 

“Stop staring at my ass.” Lexa laughs and turns to lay on her back.

“How could I not, Griffin?” Clarke throws on a t-shirt and climbs back into bed, propping her back against the headboard and motioning for Lexa to pull her head onto her lap.

“So what’s the plan, Woods? When we leave this room and Octavia sees us, what’s the plan? I think she is far past believing we had another sex-less sleepover.” Lexa laughs and traces her hand gently up and down Clarke’s leg until she gets goosebumps and smacks her hand away complaining that it tickles. 

“We don’t want to tell her the truth because she’ll make a fuss, and she won’t believe the lie for much longer. Our only choice is to lie and dodge the questions really.” Clarke hums in agreement and they go back to comfortable silence. Giving Lexa far too much time to think.

_ I don’t want to be alone _

_ I don’t want to be alone _

_ When it ends _

_ Don’t wanna let you know _

_ I don’t wanna be alone _

_ But i, i can feel it take a hold _

_ I can feel you take control _

_ Of who i am and all i’ve ever known _

_ Loving you’s the antidote _

Every time Lexa has a moment to think her emotional scales tilt further and further one way. It isn’t the way she was hoping the scales would tip. Platonic feelings would be so perfect for them both, she would return to their normal friendship, drunk nights, gossiping and binge-ing out on films and food together. Without the flirting, the looks across the room, the small smirk on Clarke’s lips whenever someone says something even slightly sexual. That would all go and they could return to their simpler life before they kissed, before they had sex, and before Lexa started thinking.

However, now it’s been three months and they show absolutely no sign of turning back. Three days in they knew that, nevermind three months. But now it is quiet again, and Lexa is thinking. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad after all. All she would have to do right now is say ‘Why don’t we just tell Octavia. Tell her we like each other, date, fall in love.’ Maybe not that many words, but something like it. Suggest that they come clean to the world and to each other.

Lexa can feel it taking a hold of her. Can feel Clarke’s laugh tempting her to give in. Can feel the sound of Clarke’s heartbeat at 3am when she is laying her head on her chest calling out to her. All she can feel is everything she loves about Clarke pushing her over the edge, healing her broken heart and telling her to gamble. Put it all on the line, to be happy forever.

_ Golden _

_ You’re so golden _

_ I don’t wanna be alone _

_ You’re so golden _

_ You’re so golden _

_ I’m out of my head _

_ And i know that you’re scared _

_ Because hearts get broken _

It would be so easy to give in to all. Give in to every part of Clarke pushing her to do it. But it isn’t Clarke saying that. That’s what she hopes Clarke would say, hoping that Clarke would like her back. Hoping that Clarke would admit to her that in moments of silence she thinks the same things, she thinks of how much she loves her and how happy she could be. 

_ I know that you’re scared _

_ Because i’m so open _

Without that guarantee Lexa can’t do it. She can’t admit the things she only admits to herself in her mind. Or admits to the four walls of her flat at 4am. She can’t ruin what they have, can’t risk losing that friendship that she has always cherished. She could open her whole heart to the girl that she loves. Or she could bottle it all up and hold it deep within her heart and leave it there. 

They could grow old side by side, as best friends. In 50 years they could be sitting side by side in rocking chairs reminiscing about these days and it’ll be worth it because she is still holding Clarke close. Still gets to hear her laugh, her angry murmurs when she is sleepy and her singing along to her favourite songs. She doesn’t lose the little things that make her love her. 

_ You’re so golden _

_ I don’t wanna be alone _

_ You’re so golden _

_ You’re so golden _

_ You’re so golden _

_ I’m out of my head _

_ And i know that you’re scared _

_ Because hearts get broken _

She has heard about Clarke’s shitty ex too many times to know that hurt like that isn’t easy to get over. So Lexa is happy to leave her feelings deep down, because at the end of the day she knows that Clarke is scared, not of Lexa, but of having her heart broken again. Because one more time might just break her. 

So silence is good, she can dream about romance and long walks and cuddling in front of their friends. She can dream of gentle touches, future pets, children, big houses. She can dream of growing old together, she can dream of those rocking chairs being on their porch as grandchildren run around on the grass a few feet away. But dreams are dreams for a reason. The risk will always be too great. The risk of a broken heart just might not be worth it.

So Lexa decides that her feelings belong deep down. She is lucky to have these moments with Clarke without scaring her away. She’ll cherish what they have until they return back to normal, until one of them has the ‘I’m thinking of dating again’ conversation. Until they return to just friends.

How hard could that be?

**Author's Note:**

> hello again, hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> i will be uploading more parts very very soon so if you enjoyed don't go too far because my designated quarantine activity is merging my two obsessions.
> 
> please leave kudos and comments because i only thrive from attention- i would also love to know your fave harry songs and compare them to mine
> 
> see you for the next one x


End file.
